Someone give Nelly a contract

As expected, the home run derby was pretty forgettable.  Let’s face it- no one’s going to hit a 600 foot homer.  It’s not gonna happen, least of all now when (presumably) there are no more players on steroids.  There’s 3 rounds of guys grunting, smiling, and sweating- sometimes all at once- and 374 to 482 ft. home runs.

And I say tonight, we witnessed the very first Celebrity/Legends/Taco Bell softball game that was MORE entertaining than the State Farm Home Run Derby presented by Mastercard.  I believe I heard Gary Thorne say that this was now the 10th year of the charity softball game.  Charity?  Am I making that up?  It feels like most softball games that feature any sort of celebrity are charity games.  But I digress.

In this year’s game there was an Academy Award winner (Billy Bob Thornton), a grammy award winner (Ashanti I think?), and a gold medal winner (some tiny gymnast).  The teams were comprised of a mixture of Cardinals greats and celebrities and all-around baseball greats who were from St. Louis.  And, of course, overexposed ESPN personalities mixed in.  Other players of note included: Ozzie Smith, Vince Coleman, Fred Lynn, Nelly, Mike & Mike in the Morning, Tommy John, a couple of female softball players (NOT Jenny Finch), that chick from the office, and….Bobby Knight!

The arbitrary National League pulled out a thriller over the arbitrary American League, 10-9.  But the real story of the game- and I think, the night- was clearly Nelly.  I knew nothing about Nelly before the game besides the fact that he’s a hip hop musician, he has a girl’s name, and he’s made a couple songs I’m sure I’ve heard thousands of times.

All Nelly did tonight (ok, actually LAST night-Sunday night) was go 2-for-2 with a hr and 3 rbi, as well as a diving catch in center field and a Rickey Henderson-inspired snatch catch.  The homer was an opposite field blast that cleared the sponsored wall by almost 100 feet, and was easily the furthest home run of the game, including the ones by former major leaguers.  And his subsequent single was well struck.  Nelly certainly impressed, and was co-awarded the game’s MVP award.  Along with Bobby Knight, who,  in case you were wondering- had a fairly meaningless hit, allowed the miniature gymnast of the opposition a free hit because she won a gold medal, and caught a ball he was supposed to catch for the final out.  Oh and Coach Knight also gave a nice rehearsed “pep talk” to his teammates in front of the camera, which I guess sealed it.

Other highlights of the game included: One of the Backstreet Boys at third base making a nice over-the-shoulder catch in foul territory, Mad Men’s Jon Hamm making a Scott Rolen-esque pick also at third base, Dave Winfield saying that Bob Knight has “lost it”, Mike & Mike making jokes and jabs that no one cared about or payed attention to, James Denton finally making an out in a game (8-for-8 with 3 hr’s coming in!), and Lee Smith having to suffer the jonesyness of playing with every living closer in the Hall of Fame other than Dennis Eckersley.

Erin Andrews was also there, and Rick Sutcliffe’s empty and chumsy blather fit in nicely as play-by-play man alongside Thorne.  Whatta game!

Although now that I think about it, I may have been the only one watching this affair…